Alone? Think Again.

A girl. 22 years old.

Elders said she was too small to go to the capital city of this country. That city would hurt her and make her smaller. But did they know that she was hurt by their words? They never knew. They would never, because they did not care.

That girl collected all her memories in the past about how the elders treated her, even about how the elders gazed at her. The elders did not see her as a normal human, but a child of her parents. The parents who made mistake from the very beginning of their ‘love’ relationship. It was not about an accident that made them married each other, but they made mistake by loving each other. One of them forced that relationship to happen.

That girl arranged the pieces of her memories alone. She almost ended up blaming one of her parents. She could not forgive her parents and also herself. She asked many questions to herself. Why should I be born? Why should I be born to this family? Why did they gaze at me like that? What is my fault so I get that kind of gaze? Did I ask my parents to have me if they were not in the real love life? Can I make my ideal family? Will I not be obsessed of having an ideal partner or family? Should I have a child? Or children? How should I protect them from the elders’ words? How should I raise them? … and many more questions until she felt about to explode. Then, she cried.

She cried, alone. She cried in silence. She did not want anybody knew that she cried. That’s true, right? She is too fragile, too small to be in a big city. Don’t dream, child. Stand on your feet! She heard elders’ words in her head. It kept repeated until she felt like she could not stop crying. But someone held her hand, got her back , and helped her to stand on the land where she should stand. She almost sank in the well she dug herself. Once she could not understand what happened, but after seeing the face of someone who saved her, she realized something: She was not alone.

She did not want to accept the reality of her life so she started to make the ideal universe that she wanted. It was all by herself until someone came to help her. She was afraid to accept the help from that person. She was afraid to be depended. She still tried to do things all by herself. But that person convinced her that she was not alone. Again, she was not alone.